Part 1: Why You May Want to Consider Therapy

“I think you may need to go talk to someone…”
“I think everyone should attend therapy at some point…”
“You should really take care of your mental health…”

What thoughts or feelings come up as you read these statements? Probably a mixed bag.

You’ve more than likely heard phrases like these as our country rapidly expands its emphasis on mental health support and awareness. Our view on treating mental health issues, like anxiety and depression, has grown into a more positive light and we are finally breaking down the stigma of not being able to talk about them. We’ve also grown in the number of clinics, practices and online options that are available for support. It seems like now more than ever - especially in younger generations - mental health has become something in which we are investing.

As a therapist, this is exciting for me to see, and gives me hope for those who are hurting and grieving. With more options and openness many are finally finding the freedom to reach out for healing and support. However, even with the growing awareness, there are still many who are not able to discern the when, where and how in reaching out for professional help.

If you are considering whether you should reach out for professional help, I’d like to share a few things that will help you discern if therapy is right for you.

I often tell people that by the time they make it to my office, they’ve taken one of the hardest steps. Just admitting you need help is often emotionally loaded, personal and complicated. You bring with you a whole world of complex pain, experiences, background and even people that likely made that choice, and taking a first step, very challenging.

Even though the world is opening up to therapy, bringing it up with family or friends can still be a challenging or negative experience. They may assume you have some crisis or major problem “bad enough” to warrant “fixing.” For many, that may be the case. Some metaphorical ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’ and made them realize they needed help. But there are many reasons to take that first step, and there is no shame in seeking help, encouragement, direction and wisdom through therapy.

There are many reasons why you may enter into, and benefit from, a counseling relationship.  Certainly, therapy is an effective means of helping to treat formally diagnosed conditions such as depression, anxiety and post traumatic stress.  However, there are other situations in which therapy can be beneficial.  In our busy, distracted American culture, there’s something very powerful about sitting still with another person, and saying things out loud that we rarely make room to say. There is power and healing when we are heard, seen and accepted, even in our darkest moments.

Counseling can help…

• if you do not have a strong emotional or relational support system

• when you need a listening ear, a sounding board, an ally or for accountability

• during a difficult season of life, like when you are stuck, or have a major decision

• when working through grief from the past or present, to feel cared for and supported

• give insight and perspective about yourself, the world and “what’s normal”

• process the difficult relationships in your life

• build insight, resilience and coping

Whatever your motivation for therapy, you are stepping into an ongoing relationship for as long as is needed. Your therapist is your partner working for you and with you. They are able to reflect back what they see so you can build your own insight, resilience and coping strategies. They can offer their expertise about how your body and brain operates, and how to move through the hard times.

Therapy is about transformation. The time and energy needed to make that change can be hard, and require emotional and mental work that is draining. It can feel like a relaxing talk with a friend, or it can be like visiting the gym. You don’t always want to put in the effort and hours, but you know the benefits of a good work out. Therapy can make you a stronger person, and the benefits can even reach out to those around you: family, workplace and community. What you put into it, inside and outside the office, is what brings out the real and lasting transformation.

So much happens along the way and the amount of therapy depends on what you first ‘presented with’ and what evolved beyond that. Consistent meetings are necessary to assess where you are in the progress, where you’re wanting to spend most of your energy and what seems most helpful at any given moment. Therapists usually agree that a committed effort of 10-20 consistent sessions can bring transformation. However, there will also be seasons where only short check-ins are needed as you take a break and put some things into practice. The door is always open to return for more support in another season of life or when facing a new challenge. I often love this rhythm and have personally benefited from having a therapist who knows me and my story well, (she/he) has been with me through hard times, seen significant growth and will be there for the next season as well.

Is therapy a good fit for you?

After looking through some of the reasons and benefits of therapy, I want to leave you with some questions to consider before or even during therapy.

• Are you ready and able to commit to the process of change?

• Are you being pressured to start therapy by someone else, but have no personal interest?

• Is life so unstable you don’t know if you can make it to the next day? (If yes, than a different level of care may be needed)

And if you are already in therapy, consider whether you are with the best therapist for you…

• Has your therapist set goals with you, and shared when progress is made?

• Are you getting encouraged to practice growth outside of the office?

• Does your therapist challenge you or do they always affirm and align with your position?

• Do you expect change or relief to come too fast? Are you ready to take the time to become educated on the process?

• Do you ‘click’ with your therapist? Do they offer the supportive care you need? Can you work with their personality or the way they convey information?

• Has your therapist crossed any personal, ethical, or physical boundaries?

• Does it seem like your therapist has gone beyond their competency? Are they able to take feedback or direction?

Everyone doesn’t need to be in therapy all the time.  And therapy may not be the most effective means for helping you change right now.  Further, once you have become convinced that you do need to make personal change, seeking therapy - and finding the right therapist - can be challenging.  Not every therapist is good and not every therapist is good for you.  Shopping for a therapist should be like shopping for any other form of professional help (e.g. an accountant or cardiologist or landscaper).  Be a wise consumer.